Ah, the dreaded unrequited love. While it seriously sucks to like someone and not have him or her the return the feeling, it’s almost worse to be the person who doesn’t return the “like”. It can be awkward, confusing and even make you feel guilty – especially if that person is nice, fun and would have otherwise made a great friend.
Do you really know how to tell someone you don’t want to date them without breaking their heart? It’s really not as difficult as you might think. AND the person you’re telling would much rather hear the truth now than be led on only to find out their affections aren’t returned a ways down the road.
So, listen up ladies and gentlemen! This is how you go about telling someone you don’t want to date them.
1. Be Honest, but not Brutal
Do your best to be honest, but understand that there’s a difference between brutally honest and honest. You want to be clear and you want your message to be taken as final, but you don’t want to be harsh. When asked, explain with confidence the reason that you don’t want to date them. If it’s as simple as, “I really just don’t feel a spark”, then go with that!
Whatever you do, never lead with, “You’re a really great guy” or add in phrases like, “It’s just not going to work right now”. This gives the other person hope and is seriously misleading. If you don’t want to date the person, and don’t see yourself wanting to in the foreseeable future, then stick to your guns.
2. Keep it Short and Sweet
There’s no need to draw the process out longer than it needs to be. Arrange to meet in a neutral place (a coffee shop works) and keep the meet sweet. That is, if you’re not casual enough to simply do it over a phone call. You never want to have the conversation over dinner or something equally as long, since it makes it seem as though your decision may not be final and the other party may feel he or she has the ability to convince you.
3. Don’t Send Mixed Signals
If you meet on Sunday to deliver the news, don’t call him or her up on Tuesday the next week and sound wishy-washy. Mixed signals include flirty text messages, late night phone calls, drunken encounters or any attempt to suggest you to could just “keep it casual”. The thing about casual sex is it’s very rarely casual for both of the involved parties.
Have you ever had to turn someone down? How did you do it? Let’s discuss in the comments!